teaboot:

teaboot:

One of the things I resent most about being Animal Brain Apex Predator trapped in Maximum Productivity Society is that I have to work when the weather is gross, instead of following my natural instinct to burrow myself into something dry and soft and sleep until Optimal Foraging Conditions

It is dark and cold and wet and miserable and I have a warm dark quiet hideaway full of food and drinking water that is safe from interlopers and for some ungodly reason instead of holing up there to conserve my energy, I am standing up in a brightly lit beige room for several hours. A possum wouldn’t put up with this shit. I’m going to bite someone

(via actuallyart3mis)


cabybapa:

poetrylesbian:

does anyone know if we have joy and whimsy tomorrow

always

image

(via joker-ace)


killy:

deliberately forging a long distance polycule such that each member is situated at the point of a pentagram around the united states and when we charge our JO crystals at the same time all walmart supercenters are replaced by affordable housing

(via harehollows)


barstoolblues:

barstoolblues:

crossfaded as hell im three years old

image

(via shrack)


gryffinewt:

hyrude:

tell me why this budgetless gay youtube series made for fun by a group of friends has the best editing and writing of anything i’ve watched in a year.

also tell me how this single scene can contain every single one of the top three most iconic lines in history.

not to be cosmic or anything but who was i before watching this?

(via seraphsfire)


Griffin Calls Out Justin for Becoming The Monster He Most Feared
MBMBaM

flatluigi:

esteandthepossum:

i can’t remember hearing this on here so

one of my favorite burns across the entirety of the mcelroy media empire

(via punsbulletsandpointythings)


mr-e-us:

image

Rest in peace, Jimmy Buffett.


rezmacro:

jestergal:

jestergal:

its called the D: drive because you look at how much space is left on it and you go “D:”

why is this mom joke getting notes

bc its true

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(via abouttwocats)




autumngracy:

qoinq-qhost:

diversity win! your friend survived the lab accident and is now something distinctly nonhuman

image

(via plussizepepsimodel)


leannihilation-deactivated20230:

I do wholeheartedly believe Wes Anderson is a sick sick freak. I like his movies but I definitely think this guy has like a hidden room in his spacious french apartment that he slips into quietly each night and it is just filled with tiny little doll replicas of all the actors he’s ever used in any of his movies and he puppets them around and mimicks their voices and shit. and sometimes he’ll text Owen Wilson pictures of his little doll with a comb or something from an untraceable number and pair it with like “see how I take care of you Owen?” and then the following day Owen Wilson will find him at the service table and go, “Geez Wes look at this,” and Wes will pretend to be all concerned and horrified but there is this calculating almost eager look in his eyes that unsettles Owen Wilson. and the next time Wes is having a little soiree with all his actors, his beloved beloved actors, maybe Owen Wilson will accidentally get lost on his way to the beautiful bathroom and find that little room and see all those dolls and his throat will hitch with horror. And before he can call Bill Murray or Adrian Brody to look a dark silhouette will appear in the doorway and Wes looks sort of resigned when he says, “I see you finally found my secret, Owen,” and Owen Wilson will try and pretend that he’s fine with it but they both know better. and Wes will go (the look in his eyes back again) “We both know this can’t get out, right?” and he’ll grin very suddenly and Owen Wilson will laugh along very nervously and leave the room and eat some brioche and when the evening is over he will rush over to his Prius and frantically click his keys but over the cobbles on the beautiful beautiful street there is the sound of footsteps. and tears are running down Owen Wilson’s cheeks but he can’t say a word and Wes, emerging from the shadows, will gently touch him on the shoulder and say, “look, I’ll drive you to the airport, huh?” and Owen Wilson will try to refuse but they both know it’s futile. and, halfway through the drive, Wes Anderson will smile and say, “I’ll miss working with you” and then perfectly jump and roll out of the car, wiping off his corduroy pants, while Owen Wilson’s Prius swerves into a local patisserie, bursting into flames

(via thefeistiestworm)